Self- Care is NOT Selfish

Looking after yourself to best support your child

We all have moments when we feel like we can’t manage as parents and carers. That we are incapable. That there is too much to do, and it is overwhelming. Perhaps your inner voice is telling you: ‘What am I doing wrong?!’ ‘This is something all of us experience from time to time. Everyone has moments when they feel frustrated and full of doubt. It’s natural, but that doesn’t make it easy to manage.

We also have moments that are fine. All is well. We tell ourselves: ‘I can do this’, ‘I am doing this’. ‘What was I worrying about?’ Much of the time, we are not even aware of what we are thinking because we are just getting on with parenting and day to day things.

 Nine ways to prioritise self-care -how can we cope when it’s all too much? Simple ideas to help.

1: Breathe: It sounds simple, but focusing on your breathing can have a powerful effect on your feelings. Consciously try to take slower, deeper breaths in and out for a few minutes. Let your body calm down and begin to relax. Thinking about your breathing before rushing into deal with a crisis, stop children bickering, or having an argument with your child helps you regulate yourself so you can better support your child.

 2: Talk: Think of someone who will listen to you. Someone you know will be available and either help you work it through or just listen without judging. A ‘problem shared is a problem halved’ is often true. If you’re struggling to find someone to talk to, try writing down how you’re feeling.

3: Prioritise: We can’t possibly get through everything on our to-do lists. So, what is important right now? What can wait? What will still be ok if it is dealt with next week? Just remember to get the most important things done, rather than putting them off for the future. 

4: Move: Exercise can make a huge impact on your mental and physical health. You don’t need to take out a gym membership or devote hours each day to exercising. Just find ways to build active moments into your day. That could be a quick five-minute walk during a lunch break or getting active to do chores. Just standing up and moving around can really help if you’ve been sitting down for a long time.

5: Time: We can’t magically create time (wouldn’t life be easier if we could?) But you can ask yourself if whatever you are doing, or think that you have to do, is really essential to get done, right now. What can wait? 

6: Share: We often feel like we have to do everything ourselves, but there just aren’t enough hours in the day. We might feel judged for things we don’t do, or for asking for help, but true friends and supportive family members will want to help. Start accepting offers of help- and reach out to trusted friends, family, and perhaps your child when you need support.

7: Make sounds: There’s something wonderful about letting your emotions out when you’re feeling frustrated, stressed, or overwhelmed. Choose a safe space away from your child when you can sigh, cry, shout or even scream when it feels too much. You won’t be the first person to yell into a pillow in frustration.

8: Go outside: Getting outside can have a strangely soothing effect. What can you hear? How does the air feel? What can you see? Tune into the environment around you. 

9: Smile: Perhaps it may feel that if you don’t laugh, you might cry. That’s okay. Know that this will pass, and calmer times will come again. Looking after yourself to best support your child.

The busiest time of year is upon us not only in our personal lives but with activities at school as well. Make sure you look after yourselves and take the time you need to do this. The mental health and wellbeing of parents is paramount to the mental health and wellbeing of our children.

If you have any questions do not hesitate to contact me.

Deb Owens

Mental health and wellbeing leader.